The alarm goes off, waking you to another long day. Before your feet even hit the floor, you begin your body-checking rituals.
Ritual 1 – Lay perfectly flat on your bed. Can you feel your hipbones?
Ritual 2 – Stand sideways in front of the mirror. Does your stomach look “flat-enough?”
Ritual 3 – Step on the scale. Have you lost any weight since yesterday?
The answers to these questions determine not only how you will think and feel for the rest of your day, but also how you dress and present yourself to the world.
If you’ve gained weight or think you look fatter, you fall straight into believing you are anything but beautiful. Getting ready for your day is now tortuous. You likely put on a “fat” outfit, one that hides your stomach, your hips, your arms, even your legs. You throw your hair in a messy ponytail (not model messy, which actually takes hours to do, but neglected messy), forget about jewelry, and forego any make up that might call attention to you.
If you’ve lost weight or think you look thinner, you kind of, temporarily, feel a little beautiful. Getting ready for your day becomes slightly more pleasurable. You might put on one of your favorite dresses, the one that shows your waist, your cleavage, or your legs—whichever looks least fat. You make yourself up, do your hair perfectly, and put on beautiful jewelry.
You hope and pray that this temporary hit of confidence will stay with you throughout the day.
How’s this working for you? I know it didn’t work for me! Try the next three steps on tomorrow morning and let me know what happened!
The Body-Beloved Way to Beauty
1. Drop all external measurements to feel beautiful. Your beauty has little to do with your size and shape. When I struggled with my eating disorder, I would sometimes reach the “perfect” weight, but I felt horrible about myself because I knew what I was doing to myself to get there. My confidence would only last for a few minutes before I became paralyzed by the fear that one extra bite would make it would go away. It is time to drop the distorted connection between body size and beauty. It doesn’t serve you. It never has.
2. Own that your beauty arises from who you are, not what you weigh. Did you just make a snarky face? I saw you! and, I have witnessed this truth countless times. I know people who look beautiful on the outside, but who lose that beauty as you get to know them. I know people who might look more “ordinary,” but who become more and more beautiful as you get to know them. Do you know what I mean?
The more I have become comfortable and confident about who I am rather than what I weigh, the more attractive I have become. I love the word “attractive” as attractiveness arises from the energy I emit, instead of the way I look. When I love my body, when I love myself, when I love my life, I am incredibly attractive.
3. Take care of yourself and your body as though you were the most delicious, sensual, exquisite goddess. If you imagined being a goddess in human form or a queen, what would you wear? How would you present yourself to the world? How would you feel in your body?